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Shadow of the Republic 

Review: Solo: A Star Wars Story

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... there was a farm kid. That farm kid found a couple robots and an old peacekeeper, got in way more trouble than he bargained for, and ducked into a bar. In that bar he found a cowboy and a walking carpet, and they agreed to give him a ride off his dustball in their own special, piece of junk transport—

And the rest is history.

Nine movies, three animated series, a few one-offs and a billion and a half toys later, Star Wars is a global phenomenon that shows no signs of slowing down; in fact, it has a good chance of being one of the things scholars study a millennium hence to attempt to understand late-period Western culture, the same way we study the Greek myths, Canterbury Tales or Beowulf. The latest entry in that corpus? Solo, the spin-off that tells us exactly how that cowboy and walking carpet met.

I went into this movie freshly scarred from The Last Jedi and not expecting much (having, you might say, a bad feeling about this.) Rian Johnson’s take on the saga did what I thought was impossible and turned in some moviemaking that was as bad, or worse, than Episode III. Spectacle at the expense of coherence, politically-correct characters jammed into the plot, and a deliberate abandonment of all the story and saga that came before left me feeling betrayed that it made as much money as it did. Poe Dameron and one cool dogfight with the Millennium Falcon were not enough to salvage all that dross.

So I was three-quarters expecting more of the same. That’s not what I got. If The Last Jedi was a movie written by a PC Disney bureaucrat, Solo is a loving nod to all those sixteen-year old boys who wanted to strap on a DL-44 blaster, jump into the left-side pilot’s seat of a YT1300 Corellian freighter, and yell “Chewie, punch it!” (My nerd is showing. I know.) We get to see Han’s steampunk-meets-Detroit-slums homeworld, Han saving Chewbacca’s life and earning the famous “life debt,” and the Kessel Run. And most of it is pure fun.

"What a piece of junk..."

This movie runs strongest when it’s bringing to life what fans already know happened. We’ve always known Han won the Millennium Falcon from Lando in a game of Sabacc, but now we get to watch him do it (although that may not happen quite the way you’d expect.) We’ve known that it made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, but we didn’t know how good that was (twenty-plus is normal!) or why he had to do it (so his ship wouldn’t explode.) We’ve known Han saved Chewie’s life, but him doing it on the side of a snowy mountain monorail during a crazy heist is perfect. And we get to see why the Falcon looks quite so junky when we meet it again five or so years later. There’s just a lot of good, old fashioned shoot-em-up thrills.

Not that it doesn’t have a few weak spots. This is no Rogue One, (the very late change in directors probably being to blame) and it shows the most when Solo is trying to connect all the preordained dots. Han’s love interest is supposed to be a femme fatale “survivor,” for instance, but comes off far too heavy on the femme and way too light on the fatale. We enter the movie knowing she’s going to betray him and leave him the cynical smuggler we find on Tatooine, but when she does it mostly fails to land—whether from lack of on-screen emphasis or poor acting, I don’t know. Part of the fault lies with Alden Ehrenreich, who tries his best but just can’t quite capture Harrison Ford’s ability to be scared out of his wits and way out of his depth, and still be gruffly charming. He mostly just comes off as lovable, and this movie never quite completes his journey to the grouchy side. Part of that may have been mandated to save room for a possible sequel, but if so, it was a bad move. Paul Bettany tries his best as a scarred crime lord but is never quite up to the looming threat of Jabba the Hutt. There’s also some brief weirdness with Lando Calrissian and his droid that I shall simply choose to ignore when this movie is mentioned. Like midichlorians. Also, I never heard a Wilhelm scream. And that is just sad. But moving on...

My favorite single moment was a cameo that probably utterly bemused and puzzled those who have only watched the movies, but filled in a huge lingering question for lovers of the Clone Wars animated series. Well done, Disney.

The final ranking? I’d own it and watch it again. A good 7/10 or so, above the prequels (and waaaaaay above The Last Jedi) but below Rogue One, Clone Wars/Rebels, and the OT.

Hope that’s helpful, Star Wars fans. Here’s to better times ahead for the franchise. Chewie—punch it.

Heroes III--Obi-Wan Kenobi

Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time...

(How long?)

A long time...

    Since according to the local paper, Star Wars came out twenty-five years ago today, it seems fitting to proceed to my next hero of fiction. Jedi Knight, teacher, hermit, strategist, and wiseacre, Obi-wan Kenobi stands out as the foremost character of Star Wars outside the Skywalker family. His portrayal has been excellent through every incarnation. Alec Guiness’ nuanced performance in the original when telling Luke his story is literally the reason George Lucas was able to make prequels. Ewan McGregor gave the young Obi-wan a dash of spirit and charm that along with Anthony Daniels carries the prequels through some of their worst moments (Except maybe that mullet in Attack of the Clones). James Arnold Taylor bridged the two with an excellent voice performance in Clone Wars. From the first lightsaber battle with Vader, to that epic multi-level duel with Maul, to Asaij Ventress, Grevious, Savage Opress and Maul together... even Anakin on Mustafar...he’s had the best battling skills in the franchise to date with a blade. And even in the darkest moments, he never loses his cool. 

And did you know that now that "Obi-wan Kenobi" is a traditional fourth nonsense answer on multiple-choice questions online? Now you do.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

Heroes II

The Lone Ranger

Stats

Classification: Hero of Fiction (TV, Radio, Film)   

Origin: 1933, Radio Station WXYZ in Detroit

Skills: Excellent horseman, strategist, pugilist, and unsurpassable quick-draw artist.

Defining Moment: Lone Ranger TV Series, 1949-57

“A firey horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a hearty, ‘Hi-yo Silver!’—the Lone Ranger!”

Yes, return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear! I grew up with a few Lone Ranger episodes on VHS (yes, I will tell my children tales of VHS the way my father talks of 8-tracks) as well as Roy Rogers and Hopalong Cassidy. And they taught me a few truths that many of my compatriots missed out on. Keep your word. Help the underdog. Thinking and planning ahead will beat pure force nine times out of ten. And lastly, the good guys always win. Some of the storytellers of our day in Hollywood and New York could stand to relearn that last one.

Here rode a man who stood for justice, who needed no reward, notoriety, or frequently even thanks. He never shot to kill, because “if a man must die, it’s up to the law to decide that, not the person behind a six-shooter.” While I am neither fast or accurate enough to live up to that rule, it’s a great sentiment. Not to mention his bullets were made of silver, meaning he had to count the cost every time he pulled the trigger. He made enemies forgive each other; defended old men, women, and children; and generally worked to grow the West up into the kind of civilization that wouldn’t need him. Today’s government workers could take note.

The actor who portrayed him on TV, Clayton Moore, took his role as a children’s icon very seriously, striving to communicate in his personal life the same values he lived by on screen.  He remains the only actor with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame that also has the name of his character.

Hi-yo, Silver, away!

Heroes

Behold, the fit is on me. Bystanders beware, for I must write.

My intention is over the next few weeks to do a series of posts on my heroes. These may come from fiction, history, or acquaintances, and will be ranked in no particular order. My guess is that you, dear reader, may learn a little bit about me. Perhaps I may as well. We become like what we worship, and in this case, I believe we become like what we respect (or spend time with) as well.

My hope is that I choose to become like those who are worth following. A fellow whose hero is Josef Stalin is going to turn out different from one who idolizes FDR or Lincoln, who again is going to be different from one who loves John Adams. What you chase determines often where you wind up. And with the pervasive influence of media in our culture, a fictional role model can be just as important as a historical.

This seems worthy of a post in itself. But for now… on to our first hero.

Optimus Prime

Stats

Classification: Hero of Fiction (TV)

Appearance: 18-wheeler truck cab/giant red and blue robot

Origin: First in Transformers, 1984.
Skills: Leadership, wisdom, tactics, history, hand-to-hand combat, and a mean driver to boot.

Defining Moment: “Orion Pax, Part 3” “Alpha/Omega” (Transformers: Prime S2)

He’s first because he inspired this series of posts, and also because he is probably the biggest. He is, after all, an 18-wheeler truck a large part of the time. Hailing from 1984, born of the desire of some American and Japanese businessmen to sell toys, he has since become THE face of a hugely popular franchise. Multiple cartoon series, big budget hours-long explosions… I mean, Michael Bay films, and yes, toys. The version of Optimus that inspires me, though, comes from one of my two favorite cartoons of all time—Transformers Prime. And if you’re one of those people that think cartoons are for little kids, think again. This series is amazing—and often more adult than you’re expecting.

Optimus is the ultimate selfless leader—wise, patient, brave, and trusting to a fault. And millennia of combat have made him one of the few warriors that can stand a chance one-on-one with the big bad himself, Megatron. He won’t fight unless all the other options are exhausted, but if he does, run—the Big Guy packs quite a punch. He puts himself, and his team, on the line for humanity when they cannot do so themselves, and is content with anonymity—a robot in disguise. Sound familiar?

Great Moment: Optimus Prime is probably best encapsulated in the episode “Alpha/Omega,” where he and his nemesis battle wielding weapons that could destroy cities with ease. Megatron, ever the egocentric motormouth, pointedly observes that “At last we take our rightful places, Optimus—as gods!” He calmly replies, “I am but a humble soldier, Megatron, and you are the victim of your own twisted delusions!”

And of course, much credit goes to one of the great masters of voice acting, Peter Cullen, who can make anything sound cool, from the famed command “Autobots, roll out!” to great epic usages of epimone like this:

“I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message: Though we did not choose to be of Earth, it would seem that we are here to stay. If you approach this planet with hostile intent, know this: we will defend ourselves. We will defend humanity. We will defend—our home.”

Okay, and this picture just 'cause I'm proud of it and it's cool...

Cavalry and Calvary

          

           English is stupid. That is a direct and oft-repeated quote from my best friend, and while I’m not sure I agree with him, I do admit that English is at least frustrating. Homonyms, homophones, sloughs and doughs and roughs: all bewildering to foreigners everywhere. But that’s not really what this is about. We are not here to discuss and lament the vagaries of our mother tongue.  In order to get to the original germ of this idea—the mustard seed of this post—we must hop in the nearest DeLorean and go back a bit. Say somewhere around the fall of A.D. 1997, in Germany.

I was six or so then, and was bouncing around the apartment doing something I always thoroughly enjoyed: singing. At that particular moment, it was the old Baptist hymn, “At Calvary.” So I chirped away with gusto, building volume as I neared the chorus: “…knowing not it was for me He died, at caaavaaaalryyyy!” Really, a natural mistake. To someone who knew his father was with an Army cavalry unit and whose favorite toy was a group of Playmobile Old West Cavalrymen, what other word was there?

But my father happened to be in the vicinity. “Actually, son, it’s cal-vary. Cav-alry is on horses. Cal-vary is the hill outside Jerusalem where Jesus died, also called Golgotha.”

Ah, my young mind thought. Well, I feel sheepish. That’s really close to the same. Funny. Oh well, life is short. Back to singing!

But the odd coincidence stayed with me.

Nearly twenty years later, I still like cavalry. One of my favorite movie phenomena, as a matter of fact, involves cavalry. Everyone knows that in a western, one of the good old ones, that when the wagon train is on its last wheels and the Indians are about to triumph—the bugle blows, the flag flutters, and the cavalry rides up to save the day. I call any moment when someone shows up—unexpectedly and out of the blue—to save the day a Cavalry Moment. Usually it’s not the main character, and if it is, he’s not the main character in that particular scene. Sometimes it’s a character you only see that one instance, here and then gone. But the day would be lost without them.

Why do these situations give us chills? Why does the adrenaline rush when some person or group—often before unseen for the entirety of the story—swoop in and tip the scales?

I believe God—who Authored authors, after all—built it in. After all, He executed the ultimate Cavalry Moment. A penniless carpenter being crucified like a robber on a hill turned out to be the salvation of the entire world. Which hill, because English is stupid, turned out to be named Calvary. Just ‘cause it could. I love God’s quirky plot twists.

Merely for fun, here are my top ten Cavalry Moments in cinema. They all still give me chills even after years of seeing some of them happen every time I watch that film.

10. Movie: Stagecoach. This is the one that almost birthed the cliché, as it were. The cavalry rides up and saves the passengers of our eponymous transport from destruction. Charge!

9. Rio Bravo. At the final gunfight, when Stumpy (Walter Brennan) shows up after being left behind and keeps John Wayne from being surrounded. Heh, heh!

8. The Longest Day. When Capitaine Philippe Kieffer of the Free French Commandos manages to show back up with a Sherman tank, with a big ol’ 75mm gun.

7. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. When the Dwarves show up to rescue Bilbo from being roasted. Not in the book, but I liked it anyway. It made the Company cool all of a sudden.

6. Superman Returns. Okay, fairly lousy movie, but that shot of Superman flying in front of the minigun bullets to save the guard made it all worth it!

5. Star Wars. When Han flies out of the sun and blows a TIE to smithereens, literally saving Luke’s tail. Really, how many people get to startle Darth Vader?

4. The Avengers. Loki is about to kill that old German man in Stuttgart merely to emphasize a point, and we all think he’s going to get away with it. Until somebody with a red, white, and blue shield drops in…

3. Guardians of the Galaxy. Star-lord and the Ravagers are attacking Ronan’s warship. But there’s too much incoming fire. There’s no way that they can make it—but then the Nova Corps shows up. Classic.

2. Facing the Giants. Okay, I know everyone is going, “Huh?” But I count David’s dad standing in the end zone, encouraging his son, as a Cavalry Moment. That’s love, right there. And the win wouldn’t have happened without him, right?

1. Star Trek. You know, the new one, with Chris Pine. Spock is in the small Vulcan ship, charging straight at Nero. He knows fully well that the massive number of torpedoes coming at him spell out his doom, and he is resigned to it. Then the Enterprise comes out of warp and in a beautiful display of firepower takes out all the incoming weaponry. I like that ship. You know, it’s exciting!

 

No, I didn’t forget. In a class all of its own stands my final favorite, the queen of the lot, the one that makes use of this trope so often but never dulls it. Its author, J.R.R. Tolkien, remains the only person who can give me that “chill down the spine” sensation merely from reading the printed word. I salute his genius, and awareness of the way the world is made that let him write so well.

0.       The Return of the King. Whether it be Sam carrying Frodo, Aragorn coming off of the ships, Boromir defending Merry and Sam, or that great charge of six thousand spears riding to Sunlending and death, this remains the one to beat. Forth, Eorlingas!

Thanks for coming along my trip down adrenaline lane. If I missed one of your favorites, sound off in the comments. Maybe I’ll have to add something to my watch list. And remember when you hear them blow the Charge that Calvary, not cavalry, gave us the greatest moment ever.